A man who has battled bipolar for what seems a lifetime. Suicidal ideation that simply just never leaves my side. A child left abandoned to deal with self mutilation, mood cycles and psychosis. A military career leaving ever-lasting to a weary mind. The things that I have done to others that seem so unimaginable and regret that I can never make up for all the path of destruction I left. And finally the guilt of passing a long a plague to my most cherished accomplishments. My two children who now must face the same demons as I have for a lifetime
What would seem an easy way out after all these years…now does not seem so easy. And trust me I have contemplated and attempted many times. I have lost many friends to to bipolar, PTSD, depression alike. But now I realize it is a fight I must not lose. There are days I fall to my knees. I cry non stop. Others days I sail above the clouds and know no boundaries. But as I return…I still aspire to set an example not only to myself…but to my children…and others who suffer from mental illness. There does not have to be an end. I write…I scream. I tend to write more when I am depressed…and it is not always on positive topics…but it is to cope. To cope the only way I know how to.
Fight the stigma surrounding this disorder and other similar illness’s and always remember the lasting affects to others. Your peace to yourself…absolutely in the end…never will for a lifetime bring peace to the who ultimately care for you. I have learned this the hard way so many times. My bloody tears will always fall…and one day the pool will evaporate with my misery…but until then…I will give it my best. I never make promises. But I just continue to do the best I can.