Crawling on hands and knees unswervingly towards the eternal pain
fear no more – an unrelenting beast must gaze eerily to release
this is part of the game – a contest that has been endured for a lifetime
There are no shields to protect from the unyielding madness
no guardians to safeguard from all the illusions far too great for a bewildered mind
no buoys broad enough to prohibit the drowning from all the fallen tears – utter sadness
The best is dead – all life evaporated into a painful misunderstood winding mist long ago
grasping unto thin air – fighting for breath – a life filled with failure and hardship
the inner demons materialize taking a stranglehold – a last exhale of the past
Escaping is a tragedy, yet a lustrous polished desired non-understood gift
walking a fine line between wrong and right – a sensational misfortune of fate
adversity and anguish devour another lost soul who never stood a chance
A single combusting encounter transfigures a muddled mind
a mutiny! corroding sadness altering all fulfilment to ashes
tip-toe around my fallen tears, allowing the black pool to gather at my feet
Tragedy is drafted and to be endured alone only accompanied by darkness
look-away while the defunctive mists suffocate as they must protect
shelter the unaware – allowing a final descent into another untimely slip into madness
Unsheathe the lunatics mentality, exposing it, letting him perform his final ballad
pathetic as it may be – watch him sink into a sad emotion abyss with no escape
grappling between reality and death – wrong or right – an eventual leap of faith
Another life left with an unknown fate…
Crystalline berceuses perform
ensnaring unfathomable cryptic emotion
a silver key to escape your darkest nightmares
and belatedly obtain only the brightest of days
Cambering crests bound out sheer intensity to combat murky skies
wholly bridging all; heart and mind
from your rooted seed to mine
revelation and veracity in a once lost spirit
two found souls…
Nicole came through town again today. She was on her was back from a visit up north to see her son and then was heading immediately back down south for what is ongoing treatment at this point in her life. I had met her once and she left quite the impression on me, after today, she has left an impact on my heart and mind that is overflowing with emotion but one that will last a lifetime.
Nicole is “family”. I have an extremely large family and often members get “lost” sadly. Thankfully there are times when other members of the family bring us together, even just briefly, and for a time life stands still. You are reminded of life lessons (even if they are hard and sometimes they are not easy to hear). This is one of those that I would NOT have exchanged for anything else. Some just are important gifts to someone who struggles with so much inside themselves. Without even knowing this, this young woman has literally altered my own perspective, just by her own.
Nicole is a 21-year-old woman who has led a very difficult life. There has not been at one point where she was not on the battle field in one way or another. I have been there as well, but I have essentially given up long ago, and this woman has not even started to become defeated after being brought to her knees so many times.
Nicole has seen the drugs, beatings, all different kinds of abuse from all angles. The abandonment was real and still is to this day. It came from too many people and the affects did permanent damage like it would to any of us. It continued into a difficult marriage. She was blessed with a child with more challenges and now faces the greatest confrontation yet standing before her.
At the age of 21, Nicole has terminal brain cancer. At this point and it appears it will never be operable. It lays in the center of her brain and continues to branch out like a tree. She can have chemo and radiation to try and shrink it, but at this point there is nothing else. Her motor skills and cognitive skills have obviously been affected. On a daily basis Nicole faces the threat of multiple seizures. Treatment is never-ending.
Nicole has chosen not to get a prognosis of how long she has left. She does not want a time-table. She also did not want my pity nor anyone else’s. She is STRONG! Not weak. I would be gone, empty, desolate, and given up long ago. Hell, I have just with what I have. You look at people like this in amazement and wonder – HOW? Admiration! Tears! I’d never say this to her, but I’d gladly take her place without a second thought just to give her more time. Leaves me questioning why these life’s tragedies even happen at all? And when they do…why to people that have already been through so much? And then…why is it already the young – or our younger kids?
Speaking with her doesn’t make me NOT totally question giving up ever again. But Nicole has certain changed the way I look and address just my thoughts. I cry for her endless times today. And I think about all of us who suffer from anything and Nicole makes me want to be just a little bit like her. Have a tiny bit of her courage. The willingness not to give up! I know I am weak, but what even I could have a small trace of her fight? What if we all could?
“Life is pain, Life is not fair”