Lost amongst the memories of a childhood
shadows of a painful past destroyed by a monster
an adorned gift handed over for an eternity of pain
Cries for help left unanswered for forever
unwavering struggles hidden from a stranger
guilt that will never fade because it must’ve been my fault
Bloody cloistered tears to stop the abuse
running from the sins of Satan himself
an escape from a pushed down reality
A tragic tale leaving a lifetime of misery
broken isolated sheltered fears of the predator
fleeing a past that never evaporates consumes
A calamity of chaos resides in a mind that stole lives
ridiculing and misapprehesion of violence for an order
Age is a sin not thought of in the delicacy of war
force triumphs and protects against the weak
Innocence is a chain of progression for the light-hearted
bloodshed shall never discriminate
Visiting a time where devils took the angels
will forever be the stomping ground of my mind
This one has bothered me the moment I hit the publish button…but really…do I give a damn? I am who I am…right? My only point being I who I follow is listed on my page. I attempt to follow everyone…but at the same time I try and point people to people to individuals who have a purpose…who’s blogs stand out. Do I appreciate everyone who reads or likes mine? Of course I do. Does it make or break me? Of course not. I am an introvert with little or no self esteem except when I am manic and can rule the world! With this said…I hope this makes more sense. It does to my crazy a*s self anyway.
Be wary of whom I follow! I do like to follow everyone back. And I do try and even follow everyone that even likes my posts which I am not great at…but trying. And then the people whom post (you know who ur) The part I need to work on the most.
But I really need to go through today and sort through? Does that make sense? Not being rude at all…but hopefully it makes sense. Hmmm well it does to me.
Anyways…I’d rather concentrate on writing, catching up on others posts, and drowning in my newly found darkness. But first…breakfast and sorting.
Hope everyone’s day starts off well!
Sunlight departs and the twilight emerges
another day has faded away in a abhorrent mist
an undeniable murkiness subdues
A cycle overflowing with radiance forgoes
becoming occupied with obscurity
shadows swallow up all the surrounding beauty
This lurid gloominess has entrenched itself yet again
daylight may temporarily appear to tease the unwitting mind
But in the end, grievously, the darkness always prevails
Words Uttered from my mouth unwittingly
Bring about incalculable devastation
Confusion and trepidation speak for me
Instead of letting my true voice be heard
Exoneration from each and every one of my sins
Appears to be a task to disquieting to me
Alas, forgiveness always follows before an
Unembellished apology can ever take place
The guilt forever resides within a shattered soul
That only wishes for an early demise
In the end, will clemency be granted
For a sin that undoubtedly surpasses all others
So odd for me how easy it is too string together endless words expressing my hidden emotions when I am anywhere but up up and away! Then when I start to ascend I begin to sail categorically out of control causing everlasting damage whatever path I may have chosen to take this time around. When I descend back to reality, looking back at yet another catastrophe left with a devils touch, I am always left bewildered. Am I really responsible for ALL this?
Posting in a blog does help with dealing with every day emotions, but I have found it helps chart moods without even trying as well. I write when I am down or in a mixed state. Therefore, regrettably it is easy to look back on when my last post was and like a brutal slap on the face I can see exactly when things started to swing. I judge things by situational circumstances, then start taking a look around me, and ask myself why am I writing again? It’s like holy fu*k! Not again.
Med changes! Therapy! Anxiety! Depression! Getting back on track and revisiting my comforting place…my dark place…my best friend!
Hope everyone has been well!
Bipolar is a bitch!